Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize