Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
