I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
