I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well you can't waste a boner
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
