I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Someone came in the potted fern
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
