after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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