I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
