He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
