$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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