Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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