I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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