I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
