There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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