I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
