I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
