I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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