I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
