Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
