Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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