oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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