We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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