Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
