The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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