Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
