Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
