He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize