If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone signed my nipple.
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