I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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