And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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