Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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