just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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