The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
