i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
