11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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