I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want her autograph on my taint
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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