He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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