Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize