I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just forgot I was standing up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
