the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
