My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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