the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
