my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
