I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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