i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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