i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
