Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
