i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
