i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
