I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
BRING THE BAGELS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
