The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
