Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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