curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
should my penis look like a turkey
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
