i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
