just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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