This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
