onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
