nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
