There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
