Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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