I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
