Betty ford says i'm here all night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dick very happy bro
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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