sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love having hate sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
