Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
