Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
