My hand turned me down
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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