Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I only lived at night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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