theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
